Raising children who are a blessing to us - Part One

Blessed congregation of Muslims,

Let us strengthen our taqwa to Allah by doing all that He Commands. Let us firm up our taqwa to Allah by avoiding whatever He forbids.

Allah has commanded us to raise children who are useful. Children who are useful to the country we live in. Children who are useful to Islam. Useful to the Muslim ummah. Our children are an amanah from Allah. They are a trust from Allah to us. And as like other things that have been entrusted to us, we will be asked by Allah on how we have raised and guided our children. If we raise them properly, our children will be people who contribute to the society and to the country. They will be the pride of our families. They will be children who are filial, children who are soleh, children who will pray for their parents when they have passed away. They will be children who know how to multiply the rewards or pahala for their deceased parents. This is in line with a hadith by Rasulullah s.a.w:

Meaning : When a person dies, all his deeds will be lost upon him except for three: his charity, knowledge that benefits and children who are soleh and who pray for them.

So, it is a must. It is our obligation. It is our responsibility to raise children who are soleh. Children who are useful to us and useful to Islam.

My dear Friday congregation,

Lately, we can see how difficult it is to raise children who are soleh, who will be good Muslims. On the other hand, we find many children who are rude to their parents. We find many children who are hardly grateful for the struggles their parents had gone through to raise them up. Today we find many Muslim children who loiter the streets and shopping malls and who engage in numerous crimes at a young age. Today we find many Muslim children who are a burden to the society and country. They are children left wild, children not taken care of, children who do not know their religion. Children who do not know Islam. Children who do not even know how to pray! Do you want these children to be your children? Are these the kind of children you want to leave behind when you die?

Indeed, my brothers, we can see now how children hardly mourn the death of their parents. They do not even recite the Quran for their deceased parents. They do not even take the time to pray for the souls of their deceased parents. Why not? Why are they so reluctant to offer a surah from the Quran for their parents? Because they do not know the Quran. Because they do not know how to recite the Quran. Because they don't recognise the letters of the Quran. They prefer to read the magazines or all other books and not the one Quran. They would prefer to memorise the lyrics of the latest pop songs than the melodious rhymes of the verses in the Quran. To the point that at the time when the jenazah prayers are performed for their deceased parents, these children are standing outside instead of praying in line with the saf for the jemaah prayers. They do not join in the jenazah prayers for their parents. Why? Because they don't know how to! They don't know how to perform the jenazah prayers. Because they had not been taught how to pray the simple jenazah prayers.

And just when we as parents are buried in the earth, our ungrateful children are rushing to claim our inheritance. Instead of praying for us, there are praying that they would get our wealth as soon as possible! Instead of praying for us, they are quarrelling amongst one another to claim your wealth. They quarrel amongst one another and the ties between siblings are broken. Imagine it, my brothers, at the point of time in your graves, a time when a simple doa from your children will be a world of help to you, a time when you most hope for your children's doa for you, they fail you. They fail you because they are busy quarrelling for your wealth. They fail you because they do not know how to pray. They fail you because they do not remember you.

Is this what we want for ourselves? Is this the kind of children that we want? Why are the children of today like this? If you are a child yourself, how have you behaved as a child? What kind of a child have you been to your parents? Who is responsible?

The answer is both. As an adult child, we need to realise our responsibility as children. We need to perform our duties as children for our parents.

At the same time, we are ourselves parents. What our children become when they grow up is up to us to work on. Because a baby is a child who can be moulded. He is a child who can be moulded to be good or he can be left to learn the bad. As parents, the choice is in your hands.

What do you want from your child? We want our children to be good practising Muslims. They are to be our pride and joy. They are the remedy for our hearts, a cooling sight for the eyes, a joy to look at. We want our children to be soleh. But do we know what the characteristics of a soleh or solehah are? Do we know how to raise children who are soleh or solehah?

A soleh child is one who knows his responsibility as a child and as a Muslim. He possesses an akhlak that is honourable. He is proud to be a Muslim. He is not easily influenced by the negative values that bombard us today.

These are the children who are soleh. It is not necessarily children who are highly educated. Not necessarily children who are rich. Rather, children with strong iman and a strong akhlak. What is the use of possessing piles upon piles of certificates if he is a child who displays a poor akhlak? A child who is soleh is not necessarily one who is good at singing, but one who recites the Quran. A child who is soleh is not one who has high ambitions to amass wealth, but one who strives hard to seek knowledge to strengthen his religion and to help the ummah. These are the children who are soleh. How do we then raise such a child? Two ways. Firstly, it starts from us. Secondly, its starts from the time the baby is still in the mother's womb.

Brothers in Islam,

In today's khutbah I will explain the first point. I will explain how we as parents can take the first proactive step to raise children who are worthy Muslims. Allah says in surah As-Saf:

Meaning : Oh believers! Why do you say things which you do not practice! It is the most hateful of things in the eyes of Allah when you say something which you do not do.

If we want to plant a character that is noble in our child, a characteristic that is praiseworthy, we have to start with ourselves. Let us not be like the crab who invites his child to walk straight but who himself walks in a crooked manner. How you see your child behave is exactly how your child sees you behaving. His behaviour is a reflection of your behaviour. As the saying goes, lead by example.

For instance, if we want our child to be someone who likes to read and who likes to seek knowledge, we must also make sure that we ourselves possess such interests. How can we ask our children to study and read in his room when we are out in the living room watching television? As parents, we must sacrifice what entertainment we find in the television that does not benefit us. It starts with us. If our children see us making the sacrifice, so will they likewise sacrifice such entertainment. They will follow our behaviour. It starts with us. Do you plant your children in front of the TV to keep them entertained whilst you are busy doing your own work? What is the message sent to them when you do this? It starts with us. What we do, they will see. What we do, they will learn. What we do, they will understand.

Brothers in Islam,

We are Muslims. And as Muslims, we are commanded to have an environment that is Islamic in our homes. One of the most important ways to do this is to have regular prayer sessions together as one family, together as one jemaah. This is the key to strengthen love between our family members. It is the key to strengthen the bonds that we have as a family.

As parents, we take time to buy food and cook so that our family can have a meal together. Yet, do we also take time to fill our souls together through jemaah prayers? As parents, we are very concerned about our children's health. But are we equally concerned that the souls of our children are healthy? As parents, don't we often say to our children "Have you eaten?" But do we also regularly ask our children "Have you prayed yet?"

Isn't it sad that we think only of our own selves, that we only fulfil our prayers without caring as to whether our children have done theirs? Are we more concerned about our stomachs than our hearts? Are we ready to be dragged into the pits of Hellfire by our children? Allah s.w.t says in surah Toha, ayat 132:

Meaning: And order your family to perform their prayers. And you have to be patient in doing so. We do not ask anything of you. In fact, We are the Ones who endow you with bounties. And remember that a good outcome comes only to those who are taqwa.

Baarakallah........